I have a confession to make: I hate it that we treat Mary and Joseph as two separate people. I mean, they’re married, right? So, that whole “one flesh” thing?
Look around! At Church, there’s likely a statue of Mary in one corner and, separate from her, Joseph alone in another.
There are entire books dedicated to each, but rarely are they ever written into the same book, save for a chapters we read during the season of Advent.
We have novenas to Our Lady, and novenas to St. Joseph, but it seems that in novena world never the two shall meet!
Even Mary’s apparitions tend to be solo missions– Lourdes? Alone. Guadalupe? With Jesús, but no José. Wouldn’t it be nice if she visited us while holding St. Joseph’s hand, like they did at Fatima, Knock and Brazil?
Why don’t we think of Mary and Joseph together more? Sure, we have a day to celebrate the Holy Family, and their motherhood and fatherhood get a brief mention in the homily that week after Christmas Day, but what about his husbandry and her wifery? Is not their relationship worthy of study and imitation?
Indeed it is. Let’s dig in, shall we?
The Jewish custom of marriage was different during Jesus’ time than what you and I are accustomed to. The groom’s father would essentially be in control of the marriage– he’d choose who his son would marry, the terms on which they would be married, and how much he’d pay for the bride (this was known as a “bride price.”) Once all of those things were agreed upon with the bride’s father, the groom and bride would gather together with their loved ones and drink wine together in a ceremony that initially sealed their relationship… but they wouldn’t be officially married at this point– they were “betrothed.”
During this time, the bride would be sent away and the groom would begin building a room in his father’s house for his bride and him to live in. The bride would wait for her groom expectantly as she had no idea how long the building process would take (sometimes it could take over a year!). When the groom finished, he’d seek the approval of his father and then he’d get his bride, take her home where they’d have their official marriage celebration which would last up to seven days.
That betrothal status is the time period where we find Joseph and Mary receiving the surprise of the Annunciation:
Now this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child through the holy Spirit.
Mat 1:18
Then, the love story between Mary and Joseph takes off!
Joseph her husband, since he was a righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly. Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. For it is through the holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,” which means “God is with us.”
When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. He had no relations with her until she bore a son, and he named him Jesus.
Mat. 1: 19-25
Joseph and Mary were in love. They still are, and madly so. Together, they taught Jesus how to fall in love, too. The only difference is that Christ didn’t fall in love with a woman; He fell in love with His Church, and to become “betrothed” with her, Our Lord needed three heads of His household
Going back to Jewish tradition, The father must give permission for his son to marry. He choses the bride. He pays for her. And he waits for his son to finish building the addition to his home so that they can live with him.
So, who is the Father of the Church? St. Francis of Assisi claimed that the Holy Spirit is because it was through Him that Mary became the Mother of God.
But all things in God’s order of marriage have a physical manifestation, an outward sign of inward grace, a sacramental form.
Who is that corporal gatekeeper to the bride of Christ? Who paid for Jesus to grow with a desire to save people from their sins? Who taught Jesus to build an addition to the Jewish law that would bring the Father’s house to completion? Who welcomes the throngs of people from every culture and generation to celebrate the eternal marriage feast between Our Lord and His Beloved Bride?
It is the three lovebirds, Joseph, Mary, and the Holy Spirit together, who taught Jesus how to betroth His Church.
So, yeh, Mary is “full of grace” and has like 50 million other awesome titles.
And Joseph is the “terror of demons” and we make hilarious memes because he never spoke a word in Scripture.
And the Holy Spirit is, well… everywhere!
But together… these three provided the bulwark for the everlasting connection between God and humanity. As husband and wife, Joseph and Mary funneled God’s love into the world by raising the Christ-child into the God-man who desires to ravish our souls with everlasting joy. Mary and Joseph are the foundation of the Church, with the Trinity as the cornerstone that joins them, and us, together.
“…like living stones, let yourselves be built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”
1 Pet. 2: 5
Pray your rosary, but remember Joseph with every bead you push.
Make your consecration to St. Joseph, but wrap yourself in Mary’s mantle while doing so.
Recognize the Holy Spirit in the flaming tongues of Pentecost, but also in every aspect of your mystical life.
Never let your thought of one divide from the others.
Because that’s not how marriage works.
It takes three– husband, wife, and the Holy Spirit.
Their marriage was never consummated.